Many times I have heard this from various people in my life ask the question, “Where was God when I was hurting?” Where was God when a tragedy happened to one of my loved ones? Or the worst is when I hear, “There is no God because if there were there a God there wouldn’t be such suffering and turmoil in this world.” This one has to be the hardest one for me to answer although I have such compassion for them. I prayed for answers to give the person some sort of peace and restore their faith, sometimes I felt I just didn’t have the answers.

We see memes all over social media to forgive and forget, those candy-coated sayings promising a new life if you forgive, promising a new beginning, some inspirational, and some simply repetitive and not very helpful.

You may be suffering from a feeling of betrayal, humiliation, lack of trust, or faith. Your relationships may be suffering from not having the ability to forgive a past wrongdoing, maybe it’s a spouse that has cheated, a childhood or adult experience, such as being the victim of sexual abuse. Whatever you’ve experienced in your lifetime or the unspeakable things that have happened, it is understandable. You scream to the top of your lungs, “Where is God?” Or you suffer silently, thinking to yourself, “I’ll never forgive my perpetrator.” I’ll die before I forgive this person that hurt me and ruined my life.

We find it hard to believe that by not forgiving we are holding our hearts prisoner and you’re only hurting yourself. Just the thought of someone saying this to you makes you scream in anger at that person, possibly finding yourself losing patience and walking away.

All this is understandable and part of the healing process. Some may think this is impossible, but it’s not impossible. You can find a way to forgive. It’s an unbelievably freeing experience to forgive the person that has done harm to you, a friend or loved one. Here are some helpful things that may help you forgive.


  • Forgiving someone takes time and remember that you’re not forgiving that person because they deserve to get away with what they have done to hurt you. Forgiving is a way to release your pain and set yourself free.
  • Remember that each person on this earth has been given free will and that God watches all and he sees all.
  • Remember God hasn’t given us the capacity to even understand what his greatness has in store for each and every individual that has to answer for their wrongdoing.
  • Remembering that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, but that doesn’t mean we don’t somehow have to answer for our sins and wrongdoings to the people we have hurt. It does mean we are forgiven if we are truly sorry.
  • We are all God’s children and he’ll judge us accordingly
  • Vengeance is ours says the lord   (Romans 12:19 King James Version) “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”   There are many versions but they all mean the same of course.
  • Remember that forgiving is a daily process and it’s not always done overnight. Try and see that not having a forgiving heart is only poisoning you for the future and ruining your life. Remember to take steps to forgive, not for abuser or perpetrator, but for you.
  • Forgive what hurt you but not the lesson learned from the experience.


Please remember that forgiving is releasing yourself from the poison inside of you. Also by meditation and prayer, trust in God that somehow something good will come out of the tragedies and suffering you have endured in your lifetime. And that we don’t understand why, sometimes, but it will somehow work itself out in the end with faith, trust, and love. Most of all, heal yourself with love and the power of forgiveness.

God Bless.

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