As we all know divorce is one of the most difficult things couples can face. When children are involved it can make this process even more difficult, especially when the parents start dating again. You may face many difficulties when it comes to dating again, one of these things are understanding your child’s emotions, first of all, any fantasies this child/children may have about reconciliation and putting your family back together are shattered when you start dating and unfortunately the new partner is most likely going to be looked at as more of a threat than a welcomed addition to the family.
You may face many difficulties when it comes to dating again. One of these things is understanding your child’s emotions.
First of all, any fantasies this child/children may have about reconciliation and putting your family back together are shattered when you start dating. Unfortunately, the new partner is most likely going to be looked at as more of a threat than a welcomed addition to the family.
So, for this reason, it’s very important to slowly introduce your dates, or a new relationship, with the utmost caution concerning the children.
I call this process, “Baby steps.” The most important people in your life are your children and thinking of their emotions. They have already gone through a difficult time and change, so their emotions are extremely important here. Some of your chid’s emotions you might face may include fear, insecurity and acting out.
Try to not forget your child’s life, as they know it has already been shattered. Only in the best of circumstances is there any hope this new dating partner will be welcomed with open arms.
Now that we’ve gone through some of the negatives on dating after divorce, let’s focus on some of the positives and some great advice and tips on dating after divorce.
- First of all, remember when introducing your new dating partner to your children to keep the visit short. Have your dating partner meet you at, let’s say, an ice-cream parlor or an arcade. Something fun for the children. Keep it to a minimum, an hour or two at the most. If things go smoothly you can arrange to meet again and have a day trip to the zoo, movies or some other fun, family-type of activity.
- Inform your new partner about your children, such as his or her likes or dislikes, and possibly what your child may have gone through during the divorce. With this information, your new partner will be more familiar with your child and may be able to relate to your child on a better basis.
- Let your partner know to keep gift giving to a minimum. Also, it’s not necessary to give your child over-the-top attention. Encourage them to just be themselves and your child will eventually like them for who they are.
- Refrain from pushing your child into referring to your new significant other as their new mommy or daddy. They have gone through enough. The last thing they need, right now, is a new person auditioning for a new parental role in their life.
- If your children do not like your new partner, listen to their opinion objectively and see if you can meet in the middle about their thoughts and feelings. Keep in mind, your child may be trying to run a new partner off for various reasons, while also remembering that your child may be seeing something in your new partner that you may not.
- Your child may be threatened by the time you are spending with your new partner. While this is a normal reaction, try to spend quality time with your child. Things like this could include setting up an activity through the week with only you and your child present. This shows your child is important and you enjoy time with them also.
- Keep communication with your child as honest and open as you can.
- Let your child ask as many questions as they need and answer as honestly and open as you possibly can.
- Assure your son or daughter, so they know that their opinion matters.
- When choosing the place where your child/children will meet your new partner, suggest a few places for your children to choose from, and go from there.
Most of all, your children come first. They have been through a lot. Keep in mind that dating and children can be a great experience if handled correctly.
As I said, there’s no need to be in a hurry or make great strides, quickly. Slow and easy, “Baby Steps” will win the race.
Good Luck In Love!
It will all work out.