It’s a very common thing to hear of people falling in love with a married man or woman. Ever been married and find yourself in love with another person? Most of the time the person who is married does not want to give up his or her marriage. What can you do when either one of you might be contemplating an affair?
When falling in love with a married person, or vice versa. it becomes a trap. The trap is dishonesty. Relationships heavy laden with dishonesty are rarely happy. The married person is committed to the marriage but also committed to his or her relationship out-of-bounds. Having duel relationships may seem to work in the beginning but as time moves on something starts to unravel, such as the spouse feeling pressure in his home life and pressure of the extramarital affair. Inevitably someone starts to feel unsatisfied and there comes some sort of breakdown at this point. The guilt alone could be enough pressure to take the joy out of everything.
It’s best to be honest about your affair or end your marriage. Playing games, lying, and deceiving can ruin more lives than just your own in the long run. If you decide to keep your marriage and discuss this with your spouse he/she can decide if the marriage can proceed at this point. There may need to be some ground rules set and new trust issues will pop up and the married couple can decide how to handle this situation as respectfully and honestly as they can. You can also discuss with your partner if an open marriage, with no secrets or dishonesty, is an option, agreeing that both partners will see other people but remain married.
As for the unmarried person involved, he or she should not see the other person unless the marriage is worked out and the spouses agreeing to the open marriage (seeing other people), or they may decide that open marriage is not an option. It’s a good idea to stay away until the married couple decides what should be done.
Here is some advice and questions for anyone contemplating an affair or having one with a married person.
- Are you ready to become second to his or her family
- Spend holidays without this person
- Be lonely and long for him/her
- Be secretive and hidden
- Are you willing to live with possible guilt and shame of feeling like you took part in breaking up his or her family
- Never being able to meet his/her family or friends
- You could be a temporary diversion from his or her marriage
- There is only a 5% chance that a man will leave his wife and family for the other woman. Reasons being he still has affection for his wife and responsibilities of bills and children.
- Legally, financially and emotionally you have no rights
- They are living together so chances are they’re still having a sexual relationship with their spouse.
- If your in a high powered position are you willing to take the risk of being caught and possibly losing your job or reputation leaving you possibly financially and emotionally broken in the end?
- If you do end up with this person will you be able to trust that they will not do the same to you?
- Last but not least you could be at risk for STD
Some advice and questions for married persons having or contemplating an affair.
- Are you willing to risk losing your spouse and family
- Keep in mind an affair is fun exciting at first but the newness wears off soon and you may be left with your life in ruins, financially, emotionally and possibly the loss of family and friends respect or worse they may never speak to you again.
- Remind yourself that you don’t really know this person other than a few stolen moments although you may be thinking this person is your one true soul mate you don’t really know him or her
- Is this other person worth risking everything you have worked your whole life for?
- Keeping the above mentioned in mind you could be only cheating yourself by having an affair
- Know your affair is fun and exciting try to keep in mind that there is no comparison to the excitement of the affair to your spouse
- Are you using this person to escape the stress of daily life by adding some excitement to your life?
- Try to remember there is no way your spouse can be compared to this new fairy tale romance and all its glory
- If your thinking of leaving your spouse please keep this in mind, the excitement, adventures and possibly non stop sex, will soon wear off and you will eventually find yourself in the same lifestyle you had before.
- The attraction of having an affair is usually getting caught up in the excitement you may be missing in your marriage, and no comparison to your real life marriage and all that comes with it, stress, finances etc.
Advice to married people contemplating an affair would be to try and think about what is missing in your marriage. Is it lack of communication, intimacy or romance? Whatever it may be, here are some tips that you may find useful to bridge the gap and make your marriage happy and stronger in the process
- Have a date night once a week, find a reputable care provider for your children on these nights away
- Do you have willing Grandparents, or other trusted family members who would be willing to spend time with the children for a weekend? if you have this opportunity you can try to plan a once a month weekend getaway with your spouse.
- Discuss with your partner a good counselor if need be
- Attend a weekend marriage seminar of your choice
- Set times for heart to heart conversations
- Take time to discuss your finances if they are an issue
- Keep in mind proper communication with your spouse is of key importance
- Take a walk down memory lane remembering why you fell in love with your spouse to begin with
- Buy her an unexpected gift to let her know how much you appreciate her
- Go to an event or activity that normally wouldn’t interest you but this could show your partner that his or her happiness is of great importance to you may even have fun doing it.
Life has its ups and downs, try and remember why you fell in love with this person in the first place, raising a family, finances, and all the other stresses can wreck havoc on romance. A bit of work and some play, this will keep you marriage alive, happy and healthy. In the end this will be a rewarding experience for you as a married couple and your family.