Here it comes again, you find yourself with another failed attempt at love, whether it be a Divorce, or another failed relationship, your alone once again. So you go through the pain of sleepless nights, can’t eat, cant sleep, your Friends are begging you to come along with them to get out of the house but you can’t even get yourself out of bed and when you do, you paint a smile on your face and pretend your okay but you know your not.
Songs now have new meaning as you listen to the words they all seem to be talking to your heart and to make matters worse your old song comes on the radio and the words sting, burn and stab you like a knife, you quickly turn the station. No one is there to comfort you because after all your former partner didn’t die right?
But when a relationship ends it is like a death and you will go through a grieving process that can be worse than dealing with a death, you have your good days and your bad days, don’t be surprised if even the slightest thing can set you off for example a trip to the grocery store and seeing your former partners favorite food that you so happily used to buy and prepare for them, now the sight of it sets you off and your fraught with emotions.
perhaps you’ve found an old picture of the two of you, or a card that your former partner lovingly gave to you on a special occasion, that’s all it takes and your give way to the agony you’ve fought so hard to keep away, you try and throw this sentimental piece in the trash but then find yourself putting it in a box instead all the while asking yourself why am I saving this?
You may be questioning yourself about your sanity as you call on friends for support but they just don’t seem to have the right words to comfort you, your inconsolable and ask yourself am I losing my mind? am I obsessed?
Maybe you were the one that initiated the break up you may suddenly find yourself doubting your decision about breaking it off and regret hits you as you may feel as if your being crashed against the rocks as the ocean waves hit you over and over, and you ask yourself, did I make a mistake? could I have worked it out? all those feelings and emotions run through your head making it impossible to believe you’ll ever be the same person you once were.
This Roller Coaster of emotions goes on for weeks, your feeling stressed, tired and worn out, you may feel you just can’t take another day of this crazy ride your on. You go to sleep thinking of your former partner and you wake up with dread because this person is camped inside of your head, your thinking will this pain ever end? everything around you reminds you of this person, it has you so preoccupied that you feel like a borderline stalker as you go through your former partners social media and wondering if they are missing you like your missing them, you look for any clues to see what they are doing are they hurting like you are? or have they moved on to someone else, am I that easily replaced you ask yourself? and if that isn’t the worst part, your now contemplating a trip to the Psychiatric ward should be your next destination as you Scream inside your head “God Help Me”
So then you imagine what you’d say to this person if you ever ran into them again, you find yourself romanticizing and fantasizing this scenario in your mind. Your life with this person is flashing by as if it were a movie scene right before your eyes.
The smiles, the laughter, the simple gesture of them bending down and picking a wildflower for you as you walked hand in hand through a meadow remembering the loving look in their eyes like that of an innocent child, once again your flooded with emotions as many more scenes play in your mind over and over.
You can practically hear your heart shattering inside of you as you say to yourself , What a failure I am! I am nothing! I am messed up! whats wrong with me? another failed Relationship or maybe a Marriage. You desperately seek answers but can’t keep your head clear enough to focus. But you move on and face the world day by day.
Guess what? you have lived another day and another day closer to healing CONGRATULATIONS!!!
- Start a journal and look back from time to time on your progress
- if this was an abusive relationship In my opinion its wise not to go back.
- make a healthy decision for yourself to move on and learn from all the things you have learned with your former relationships.
- Take time for yourself to understand why this relationship broke up
- Take the time to work on yourself and clear your old baggage for your new partner they should not have to feel that they are cleaning up your old relationship, give this new person a new slate.
- Show the world you are a new you and your not a failure, your a survivor
- Go out with friends when your ready
- get a makeover
- do something that makes you feel good and you look forward to doing
- Make some new friends
- Do some volunteer work that you would enjoy doing
- If your budget allows it go on a trip somewhere you’ve never been before
- Try and avoid situations that bring you down
- Get a membership to the gym
Most of all take care of yourself and remember your not crazy, everything you are feeling is normal and you deserve to grieve the end of your relationship in whatever way you choose to do it, no matter how long it takes. Don’t blame yourself for everything and believe everything happens for a reason in your life.
now you can look at your former relationships or marriages as a catalyst to the brand new you! because no matter how long or short your relationship was it was not a mistake, these were all learning lessons and when you are truly ready and your grieving process is over, you can start a new healthy long lasting relationship , Good Luck in Love, you got this!