Ghosting In Relationships

Women often come to me and ask, “Why hasn’t he called me?” I wonder where he is? He’s not returning my text messages or my Phone calls.

First of all (for a very good reason here) do not call or text him. Give him space. Although, I will say this is not very considerate of him. But what ladies have to learn here is to let the man contact them. Remember, you’re a respectful lady and chasing him will seem desperate and can have the opposite effect that will actually drive him further away.

 

Normally, this happens in the first 2 months of dating where things are looking like you might have met the partner of your dreams. You’ve gone on a few dates, connected on just about every level, and shared late night intimate conversations on the phone, possibly telling each other your life story. You’re starting to feel very close to this person and may have even had a weekend away and had an amazing time.

The phone calls are constant, the texting through the day and every time he texts your getting butterflies, smiling and your walking on air. Sound familiar? This person is letting you know they are thinking of you and they’re planning your next date. Weeks go by and your hopes and dreams of possibly finding the right person are hopeful and you’re starting to tell friends and relatives he or she may be the one!

Then all of a sudden, the phone calls start slowing down, and you may not even notice this too much at first. As the text messages are becoming more infrequent, a phone call may come in and its small talk with no plans for the weekend or anything mentioned in the future. Then bam! The good ole (what the term is called nowadays is) “Ghosting.” Which means the contact at this point is completely halted and you’re left staring at your phone,  double-checking your text messages, looking again to see if you’ve missed a call from him? and nothing.

You’re feeling very disheartened at this point. You spend the next few days questioning yourself, mulling over the last conversation, asking yourself, “Did I say anything wrong?” Even to the point of asking yourself, “Did he not like the dress I was wearing?” Okay, I can come up with hundreds of thoughts about what is going through a person’s head at this time but I can assure you, it may not be anything you’ve done. It could be as little as he is caught up with work. Remember, men (certainly not meant to offend men, here) have a different time frame than women, so it seems, for men get caught up possibly with work, maybe in the process of several big changes going on in their lives and they lose track of time. For a man, this 5 days or maybe let’s say 2 weeks you haven’t heard from him, to him this may only seem like 3 or 4 days. But to a woman, she’s counted the minutes, hours and days. Believe me. Okay, I can’t speak for every woman but most I’ve talked to including myself, the time is real.

Eventually, the man will surface and when he does, try and remember to be gentle with your response. He might say to you in a text, “Hi how are you? It’s been awhile, I missed talking to you.” You might want to reply back with expletives and rude remarks (girls, try and refrain). Unless you don’t want to talk to him ever again. A simple reply of “I’m doing great, it’s wonderful hearing from you, how have you been?” (Insert, smiley face.) He will not feel threatened by this response. Also, men do not like confrontation and he may have a very good reason for not contacting you as stated above. Although, if this becomes a pattern, later on, you may want to communicate your feelings to him about coming in and out of your life because you don’t want to set a pattern for it.

My point is, even if the man never calls you again, either way, you’ll have your answers. One being if he never contacts you again, you just gracefully move on like the lady you are. Two, if he does contact you, you nicely greet him and open yourself up to conversation with him, let him do most of the talking, and most of all listen. Either way, ladies, this is the best way to get the never ending question answered being, “Why hasn’t he called?”  (Ghosting)

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