Why Do Men Have Affairs?

So many times, I have seen people stray in relationships. Let’s talk about some of these reasons. I am not giving anyone permission to have an affair or to stray, I am simply going to talk about some of the reasons these affairs can start.

Consider the textbook scenario of a couple married for 5 years is experiencing life in general, the ups and downs of a new family can have so many effects on a relationship. She may have had to quit a job she loved to start a family, may be feeling stressed and resentful with so many responsibilities. She might feel her figure is gone and her husband is no longer attracted to her, the way he used to be. On top of all that, the sex life can also be affected, with so many responsibilities a new family can bring. He’s having a busy work schedule, she’s complaining that he isn’t spending quality time with her. The more she pushes, screams, yells and makes his life miserable {without meaning to} she’s making her husband feel nothing but like the breadwinner, unappreciated, unloved, neglected, taken advantage of… I could go on.

At the risk of sounding like I am on the man’s side at this point, I can assure you, I am not. What I am going to talk about here, is what might lead into his straying and having an affair.

Let’s start here; he is at work one morning. He has a stressed look on his face, his head is in his hands and he’s not concentrating on his work because of a repeated argument about him not being the man she married. She’s putting him down, she’s bringing out all of his shortcomings. She’s yelling at him as he is leaving for work, leaving him feeling like a whipped, beat up do. Needless to say, his self-esteem is low, his confidence in himself and just about everything about him lately feels rotten.

Okay here’s a perfect scenario. A close female co-worker of his (the attractive office lady) is single, young, sweet, smart, helpful, dresses perfectly and positively energetic. She has the perfect bright smile for everyone she passes by, her carefree happy attitude is loved admired by many.

She happens to be headed to this man’s office when he hears a knock on the door and she then enters. She then notices he has a worried stressful look, she asks, “Are you okay?” He replies with, “Yes I am. Why?” She calmly states her business as to why she visited his office but then offers a friendly ear as she says, “I have a few minutes if you’d like to talk.” Again he states he’s fine, so she smiles and leaves his office, but before closing the door she says, “You know I have always liked working with but I know you well enough to also know when there’s something wrong, so if you ever want to just talk, I am here for you.”

At this point, he’s now alone in his office, thinking,”Maybe I should open up to her and just talk?” But then his mind wanders to a more realistic place saying to himself, “No, this doesn’t feel right.” Although something is stirring up inside of him thinking of her smile, kindness, and her offering to let him “just talk” and vent while she listens, thinking to himself that she seems to genuinely care.

Weeks go by, and she becomes more attentive as he becomes more open to her office visits and they start to talk. They are spending more and more time together. At this point, she’s on his mind constantly and he can’t seem to get her out of his head.

This woman is making him feel like he’s on top of the world. He’s suddenly feeling great about himself again. He has a new lease on life. She’s complimenting his every move, she even notices the new blue shirt he wore today and says to him, “I never noticed how blue your eyes are,” she then smiles and walks away. He’s feeling fantastic but because he’s now spending more time at work and even less time at home (we can imagine how his wife is feeling at this point now with even more complaints) sadly enough his home life is even worse than before.

They start to spend more and more time together. They’re friendly in and out of the office now, with late night dinners, intimate talks and sharing stories of their lives. Business trips become great excuses to spend more intimate time together, although this work relationship hasn’t become physical yet, without him realizing it, they have begun an emotional affair.

 

 

 

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