Ghosting and how to handle it

Life is full of twist’s and turns, you never know what’s going to happen next, you could wake up one day and an event or experience can change your life forever.

Along with these events that happen in life, we could find ourselves in a situation that causes us to visualize scenarios in our minds that may or may not even be happening. A term called “overthinking” pretty simple term but it can wreck havoc in our daily lives.

For example, your trying to get ahold of a relative, friend or significant other. You’ve tried every angle that today’s modern technology has gifted us with short of calling the hospital, police department and putting out a missing person’s report. Pretty serious stuff there.

So you’ve covered all your grounds possibly you’ve even found yourself asking people if he/she knows if this person is alright or are they ok? you’ve done all you can and if you do any more than this you’re liable to be called countless negative synonyms that refer to you as a crazed (ouch) here it comes, not my favorite word (STALKER) I will say I feel this word is thrown about somewhat casually nowadays, everywhere you look someones is being called a stalker even for the slightest questions or maybe being curious and looking at someones facebook in normal curiosity (I hardly call that stalking)  in fact, for those reading this please save this word for what it is, a very (serious crime) that involves violence, harassment, repeated unwanted attention from someone who has asked that this person repeatedly not contact them in any way shape or form and has made it quite obvious to the person this may or may not even involve a restraining order AKA Protective order.  I have never stalked or been a victim of stalking but I know it’s very serious, I’ve seen it happen to many people being as I am a Domestic Voiolence Counselor for the last 21 years.

So this brings me back to my subject here of what classifies stalking when you’re trying to get ahold of someone and they don’t answer back. Wow, the dreaded term is known as “Ghosting” this is psychological warfare at its best!

So your significant other has suddenly vanished into thin air? you think everything is fine and all of the sudden they’re gone? Gulp!!! (insert Scooby snack sound here) so you take all the above steps to find this person? here are some examples.

  1. you found yourself going over every word of your last conversation?
  2. your significant other is nowhere to be found?
  3. is not returning texts or calls?
  4. you have no one to ask or to call and check to see if they’re ok?
  5. They’ve left no indication anything was even wrong in the relationship?
  6. its now been 2 weeks and you’ve not heard a word?

You have been “Ghosted”

When this happens its nothing short of a nervous break down for the individual who’s been ghosted. it causes such emotional pain for the individual that has been ghosted some end up in the hospital with signs of mental and physical stresses. The effect on the victim’s bodies can take a terrible toll.

The Ghostie as they’re called is on their merry way enjoying life to its fullest without a care in the world to the victim at all.

It’s truly the most cowardly way to end a relationship, it shows immaturity at best, but sadly it seems to be the most common way for many individuals nowadays to end relationships.

What to do if you have been ghosted

  • Do not blame yourself or over analyze what you may or may not have done to cause this.
  • This person could have been in between relationships and unbeknownst to you may have gone back to their former partner, sad but true this happens a lot, especially when meeting on dating websites.
  • Be careful, investigate a future partner and know their relationship status, if they’re married or separated my advice would be to stay clear. Many of my friends have been burnt by this one.
  • Try and busy yourself and although it may seem impossible try not stare at your phone obsessively waiting for this person to contact you, if you have to0, lock your phone in your car and give a friend the keys for a break! might seem like a strange thing to do but give it a try it can’t hurt. now take a deep breath and let out a huge sigh!!
  •  Again do not blame yourself, this person may be dealing with something that has nothing to do with you at all.
  • Do not try and contact this person more than once, reaching out and showing your sincerity for their well being and asking if they’re ok is fine but only do this once.
  • for example, One text message, one phone call and if not answered leave a nice cheerful voicemail asking if they’re alright.
  • One Facebook message or any other form of communication you have used with this person , again simply asking if they’re ok using each social media contact message to the person once, although please refrain if you’re sending a message to over 5 social media sites (stop there please) 
  • If the “Ghoster” doe’s not respond, after this, simply leave them alone.
  • You may even try and give them the benefit of a doubt if you’re so kind as to do so. Although that may be a hard thing to do when left with so many emotions, especially if your relationship has been a long term one.
  • If you are still having a hard time there is always counseling available since this is considered by most counselors “emotional abuse” when faced with being Ghosted by someone you loved very deeply.
  • Go over your last few conversations and see if this person gave you any indication they did not want to speak with you any longer. It might be hard but this person may have been trying to tell you they didn’t want any further contact from you and you may not have wanted to listen to it as hard as this is, try and respect that person’s wishes and do not contact them.

If you have tried the above advice as to handle this situation then you have done your part, it is up to this other person to now respond back or not.

Don’t be too quick to think they’re just ignoring you, there is that small percentage that this person could indeed be in trouble. You will most likely find out if that’s the case.

Ghosting is considered an extremely emotionally abusive behavior. There are many negative aspects that fit this form of behavior with persons using this technique to manipulate and control their partners. it’s a common tactic used by narcissists called the deadly toxic (silent treatment) now that’s a whole other story but we’ll talk about that later but if you can’t wait, feel free to look it up, it may help in your recovery.

Ghosting is not to be confused with a No-Contact policy for the person not wishing to remain in contact with an individual who has verbally or physically abused this person in the past or is involved in any dangerous criminal activity or may cause danger to you, your family or friends, then, by all means, no contact is on order.

Good Luck, God Bless Keep Safe!

I hope this helped.





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