We don’t hear a lot about men being in abusive relationships. Certain studies have shown that more than 40% of men are indeed in abusive relationships but most are afraid to talk about it. I have even heard of some cases where men have even been ignored by the court system and the police when it came to helping an abused man.
Having been a domestic violence counselor myself for many years I have only come across only 2 men who called the crisis line looking for help and asking if they were in an abusive relationship. I took these calls seriously and listened to both of their stories and concluded that indeed both men were in abusive relationships. The men in abusive relationships whether it be (Sexually, emotionally or physically) are less likely to come forward.
Sadly the reason most men will not come forward is they are more likely to be ridiculed or laughed at because men are considered the stronger sex. We see woman all the time abusing men such as the stereotypical cartoon scene showing the woman beating the man with a rolling pin, frying pan, throwing various objects at him for being late from work or she’s breaking dishes, hollering and swearing at him or you may have heard about the man being “In the Doghouse” what this means is he gets thrown out of the house until he behaves like a good dog? But what if this situation were turned around and the man were to treat a woman like this? we certainly would look at this much differently. Basically, men can be treated badly and it’s usually looked at in a comedic way, but it’s actually very serious and shouldn’t be taken lightly. It’s an unfortunate double-standard here that most men face in this situation.
Here you will find some questions to ask yourself that may help you see if you’re in an abusive, relationship/partnership. Whether physical or emotional.
- Are you repeatedly asked questions about your whereabouts or accused of having an affair because you are 20 minutes late coming home from the store or work? if your partner does this it’s called emotional abuse. If you have done nothing to warrant this behavior towards you then it’s time to rethink this relationship and realize this isn’t you, realize this is your partner’s insecurities, not yours.
- Do you find if you don’t answer a text message or a phone call that your partner calls you names repeatedly and threatens you or makes spurious accusations?
- These threats could include, the security of your relationship, threatening you with divorce or to break it off, or throw you out.
- Does your partner slap you in the face or hit you? this could be on any part of your body, or even worse use an object when getting upset about something you have done or didn’t do?
- Does your partner use various threats, such as saying she will get your fired or spread untrue rumors about you or other threats such as you will never see your children again? these are abusive threats.
- Do you find you have no say in the relationship and that your partner makes all the decisions and you’re afraid to even speak your mind?
- Do you find you’re constantly walking on eggshells afraid you will set your partner off into a rage or worse?
- Does your partner control all finances? are you not even sure where or how your own money is being spent? its ok if one person in the relationship controls the finances but the other partner should never be kept in the dark about finances or have to beg for money, that is just plain abuse.
- Doe’s your partner belittles or humiliate you on purpose in front of family, friends or co-workers?
- Sexual abuse could be seen as your partner belittling you, coercing you, or calling you abusive names because your either not able to perform sexually or sex your drives do not match.
If your partner has exhibited any of these signs or things listed above or any unexplained, unwarranted outbursts that scare you, or if you ever feel you need to take your children to safety (pets included) then you are in an abusive relationship and should seek help. You are not alone. There is help.