Heal from Betrayal

Betrayal is a broken agreement of trust; one of the worst things in your relationship you can possibly endure. Maybe your partner has just confessed to an affair, or another example could be you just found out they have revealed to someone your deepest darkest secrets, which you only meant for you partner to know about? Whatever the betrayal was, there is hope.

If you find your partner has betrayed you, most likely there are only two things you can do: Call it quits or work it out. If working it out becomes your choice, then its important to remember how you communicate with your partner during this time. How you handle this period of recovery can most likely “make it or break it.”

If you are the offending partner, here are some examples of things you can do to regain your partners trust and maintain good communication.  Try being

  • Patient
  • Understanding
  • Non-defensive
  • Caring
  • Loving

By doing these things, you are increasing the possibility of a good out come, especially if both partners are committed to resolving and healing. Meanwhile, being able to move on and work towards rebuilding your trust again.

We have all heard the phrase, “honesty is the best policy.” The more lies, denials and deceit used to cover up a transgression can do much more damage than the actual betrayal itself. After this kind of trust is broken this could lead to even more damage to the relationship.

Here are some helpful guidelines that may help in your recovery

  • Acknowledge to your partner before, not after, they have found out whatever the betrayal is. The sooner the better.
  • The more you live the lie, and its discovered by your partner, it becomes worse after it has been revealed. This will create a higher level of trust. Your partner may be quite upset at first, but in the long run, telling your partner before he or she finds out creates a deeper bond of trust.
  • There is zero tolerance for dishonesty in your relationship. Don’t be surprised if your partner needs a lot of evidence that you are trustworthy before they may be able to feel they can trust you again. This will require a lot of patience on your part.
  • Let your partner ask you the required questions because they may need to ask you some of these questions to see if your holding anything back. So answer honestly
  • Don’t be defensive of your partners need for information no matter what the questions are. You are the only person that can be asked these questions, so be patient and understanding.
  • When saying you’re sorry, mean it. A weak apology, especially in this case, is worse than not apologizing at all.
  • Its never a good idea to blame your partner for any transgressions and say it was their fault and they made you do it.
  • You may find you’re losing patience with your partner. Try and keep in mind, they are hurt and want understanding. Even if you’ve been asked a certain question over and over, even months after, answer it honestly, gently and kindly. This will certainly speed up the healing process.
  • Never shut your partner down and tell them you will not continue communication any longer on the subject. This can add insult to injury making things even worse.
  • Telling your partner they can take all the time they need to recover and regain their trust is important and helps your partner feel more secure.
  • Be reassuring to your partner promising you will not make this mistake again and mean it.
  • Remember, both of you have work to do in forgiving and regaining trust in the relationship in the matter of betrayal.


This process will take lots of patience and compassion. Try not say things such as ,“Get over it.” Saying such things as this could be a vital mistake. Reassure your partner that you are serious about this commitment and tell them you understand they may need more time to trust you again. Be prepared to have more heart to heart discussions on the matter, if your partner needs this time to trust you again. With the right communication, honesty and commitment this can be the key to your happy ending.

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